Wednesday, July 1, 2009

While swimming . . .

pool2

Last summer, in my dotage, I went in search of the perfect orthopedic swimsuit.  You know the type . . . the wonder of spandex making you two sizes smaller . . . holding in body parts that did not exist ten years ago . . . and most importantly, lifting and rendering immobile the bosom.

Today, while in my swimming pool in the coveted orthopedic swimsuit, which by the way is WAY CUTE, I was reminded of my discovery last summer, that this swimsuit is not only a supporting device, it is also a flotation device.  I kid you not.  I can literally lay on my back and float for hours without moving, as if on a raft . . . or maybe it is the extra body fat.

 Whatever.

Suddenly I felt a tickling on my neck.  Not moving from my floating position, I reached to my neck and my finger exploded in fiery pain!  There in my finger was a bee stinger and floating in the pool was the terrorist, hopefully writhing in as much pain as I was.  So I did what you would do.  I screamed to the hubby, who was dutifully cleaning the freezer and he brought out ice and squished the little bee with Army precision.  My finger hurt all day.  Severely.

Later in the evening I went out to net the pool.  Upon seeing me, hubby asked if I had removed any more bees from the pool.  I replied, yes, but not until I held them under water with the net and drowned them.  I used to rescue them.

27 comments:

Ces said...

Hooray! The terorists have been liquidated, I mean drowned.

Pray tell me, where can I get one of those orthopedic swimsuits.

Oh that won't do. I need full body spandex armor.

Oh darn, I need a body transplant!

Oh who cares! I am me. This is my body, if it hurts them to look, then they can lok the other way.

Damn bees! Stop looking!

Ces said...

I mean terrorists. (bees)

Here's a non-brokeback hug for you and a kiss TSUP!***

Cori G. said...

I am laughing SOOOOO HHHARRRRDDDD!!!!
poor little bee's POOR LITTLE YOU!!!!
At least when you sting someone your life isn't forfeit...HA HA HA!!!!

I love you darling Deb!!!!!!

Lost Aussie said...

So sorry about the nasty bug in your pool..not nice! I have a FROG in mine and until he gives up his territory I am not dipping a toe in there...no warts for me!

(btw..lovely T Party pics, cleverly done and such fun!)
xoxo

Ces said...

HAHAHHAHA! OMG! If you can figure it out that would be (non-blasphemy) God-given gift because I will be wearing mine everyday, even to work. It should also work on that little blubber under my chin which my daughter started touching during our vacation in NYC. Hmn, I did not notice that before. Perhaps because I was so overwhelmed by the more prominent and distracting body parts. Dang this gravity! I did not know my body was that magnetic.

Ces said...

HAHHAHHA! Gobble-gobble!!!****

Ces said...

What is a "Barbie Bubble Cut" hair?

Ces said...

HAHAHHA! You crack me up. And that is "Crack" in a non-narcotic way or even non-plumber fashion way.

Ces said...

Goodnight Deborah Here's a non-Brokeback Mountain goodnight kiss "TSUP!***

Ces said...

HAHAHAH! CRACK KILLS! Goodnight...

Sonia ;) said...

OUCH...Glad you got them....I was at work holding up my arm looking for the gross under arm jiggler...Man the turkey gobble has started to hit....UGH!!!!

Drowning is a good way to go down...

Smiles,
Sonia ;)

Renee said...

One bite and you are showing no mercy.

Now what does one wear to a cantina party? Will I need two slits or will one do?

Love Renee xoxo

kj said...

what catina party? do i need to rearrange my schedule? and renee's question is paramount: will one slit do?

your yard is a sort of paradise, isn't it deborah? maybe that's why the bees covet it? now that the word will spread that death my drowning is to be expected, i just hope the defiant wasps don't take you on. still, i know you'll win.

xoxo!

Renee said...

Darling Deborah:

If you could have a giant mexican hat sitting on my chair when I arrive I could sit on it and with the slit and all I think I would have a very comfy evening.

You do sit on those things with the big old peaks don't you. Otherwise what a waste.

Love Renee xoxo

Javajune said...

Do we not get to see a picture of this suit or you in it. These kinds of suits and other expensive contractions and masks become important as the years gang up on us.
We have bees that borrow holes in our wood porch they occasionally attack when you exit the front door. My hubby gets out the tennis racket and has a little batting I mean surving practice. It's quite fun to watch.
What's this about a cantina party? Will it be early? I'm headed out of town around 8 am so I will probably stop by early, have breakfast ready.
xo-jj

Renee said...

Feel free to call in Ces, we are a team, I have her back and she has mine. Ces and I will team up and then imagine the hell that will break loose at the cantina.

You in your inflatable bathing suit, Ces in one if she can find one in time with extra support for her new chin thing. kj will have to float on a lounger beause she is on holidays and me, well, I will just float off of my own blubber.

It is super great to be 217 pounds at 5 feet tall because then I am like a ball. A ball with a mexican hat sticking out of one particular place.

xooxo

Rhonda Roo said...

Oh darn these wretched wretched creatures, whom we must admire because we are informed nature girls who love mother earth and all her magic wonders... and yet sometimes have to have showdowns with a la ok corral.
I am the same-rescuing stray things that merrily buzz and wing through the wild, who find themselves panicked and throwing themselves against glass or thrashing against fabric because of a foray into humanette territory...
..but sometimes, just sometimes, one gets really sassy, and we have to resort to population control.

{{{mwah}}} <---magic infused smooch to rid finger of evil stinging feeling

Linda at Lime in the Coconut! said...

Ouchy! You know...sometimes as you get older you can start becoming more intolerant (allergic) to bees. I noticed that. My last sting Hurt like hadies!

Meat tenderizer...makes a bee ouchie much better!


hee on the orthopedic suit! Perfect name for such devices...as a matter of fact they should sell them at medical supply stores! Oy!

Ces said...

Oh I forgot to tell you. When I was in New York my son told me that our dog Daisy kept on vomitting one night. Then my son noticed that Daisy vomitted a bee! My poor dog!

kj said...

deborah, i just left you a long comment and damn blogger lost it. suffice to say in condensed form:

renee sitting on a mexican hat and feeling 'comfy': who is she kidding? i know what she's up to. she'll be moaning and groaning and then what will we do?

(blame renee if i'm being too graphic..haha)

that's all i can reconstruct.

xo & :)

Renee said...

Trinidad 'Old Oak' amber rum please.

Love Renee xoxo

Ces said...

Deborah, I created a new special award and you are one of its first recipients. Will you please do me the honor of accepting it? Thanks.

Silver said...

yup. merciless is the word. i would have done the same :)

~Silver

Kat said...

Oh! I found a little black garden snake in my pool the other day. Not as menacing, but he sure scared me!

Ces said...

Do you know that my maiden name is pronounded "adore you"? See how I sign my paintings - c.p.adorio. So yes, it's alright to adore me and I adore you too! Really. I am not just saying that. I really like you.

Ces said...

Absolutely, always draw trees with roots even if they are covered. Never draw a tree with the base cut-off.

Wendy said...

Awww - bee stings hurt!! Lucky hubby was close by.
Hugs