Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Waiting . . .

 ryan graduation cropped fav pic

Beloved Son, hearts around here are growing heavy as we wait for the news about deployment.  Again.  I had wondered if it would be any easier this time, having gone through it before, but the answer is clearly no.  We’ve heard stories of war.  Yet, that is not what is making my heart heavy; the truth is that every day I live and breathe, I love you more.

  This time you leave behind a wife; a wife with a son who you love as your own.  A wife who is carrying your child.

I keep this picture of you on my desk, the one from boot camp graduation.  The one that bears witness to your becoming a man of honor, a man who in his weakest moment found his strength and calling.  A man with the Sign of the Cross over his heart.  Just as you were marked with the Sign of the Cross at your baptism.  You belong to Him.

I do not think of the difficult years any more.  You have become So Much More than I ever dared to pray for.  You, Son, have changed me.  You have made me a better person.  You have reduced me to love.  I know that our song has always been “Happy to Be Stuck With You”, dating back to the time when you were that colicky little baby, but over the past few years a new song has taken residency in my heart when I think of you, which is about a million times a day.  For I would not change a thing.


It is my greatest privilege and honor to be your mother.
 
Godspeed, Son.
 
 
 

19 comments:

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

Deb, my dear friend, I am in tears....
A Mother's Love is like no other, and you can express it so well.
May you all be surrounded with angels and protected and blessed.
Abundantly.

XXOO~~♥
Anne

deb said...

I can't get through the song.
I love you.

God bless .

yoborobo said...

Deb, I am in tears for you. I will keep your dear boy in my prayers. Sending you love and hugs and strength. xoxo!

Lost Aussie said...

Godspeed to them all Deb. We have such brave and wonderful sons to who are committed to what they are doing. We can do nothing less than send our love and support with them.
xox
Marie

Diana Evans said...

oh my heart sank again!!!! you are such an amazing Mom and this really made me cry....It can never every get any easier...but your love will make every day for him a lot easier....and the support and honor you have for him is so strong....

Sending you hugs and prayers....

now I need another kleenex!!!

Ariadone said...

He will come back to all of you....then you'll spoile him....Bless you, sweet friend. Beautiful mother ! Expressing your heart in beautiful words.
Lieve groeten dikke kus
Godeliva van Ariadone

Carousel Dreams said...

Deb, what a beautiful tribute to your beloved son...I am holding you in my thoughts x

audrey said...

Oh, dear Deb, I hurt for you. You are such a beautiful loving Mother and you show that love in everything you do. Ryan will carry that love with him while he is away and it will keep him warm and strong. It won't be long till he'll be back and hugging you once again.
I will keep Ryan in my thoughts and prayers until he comes back home. And I will send you hugs anytime you feel you need some.
♥ audrey

Silke said...

Oh, Deb, my heart is overflowing with joy and heavy for you!! You and your son have such a very special bond and I will keep him and his whole family in my heart!! May the angels go with him!!! Love, Silke

Cori G. said...

Such beautiful words Deb. I think the heart of a mother is truly God's gift to us of what love should be...patient, long-suffering, always believing the best and seeing the best in each little heart. I know there's been heart ache, but that just makes the joy all the more expressible.
God speed Ryan. Deb and Gilli, you are both in my prayers!!!
Much love
Cori

Bev said...

oh deb, my heart goes out to your son, yourself and your family...praying you can feel god's love wrapping around you...
xo

She Writes said...

You have no idea the tears this song has me in.

Life is all about chance and not missing the dance, isn't it?

Godspeed to your son.

ChrisC said...

Oh,Deb-I know it seems trite to say,"Been there,Done that." byt I have.No,it doesn't get easier to let your son go away and be in the care of others.I swear I would've killed Saddam myself if anything had happend to my oldest. Thankfully,for Saddam,it didn't.
(and me,cuz I don't think I would do well in prison)
But he came home safe and sound and blessed us with the Divine Miss E an a blessed DIL.You'll have that,too.
Hang in there.

Snowbird said...

First time reading your blog. Chris from The Great Wall of Lutz sent me over here. Wow, I can't even imagine what you must be going through. I wish I had the words that would make this not so scary for you but of course I don't. Instead I will send along a cyber hug. And a prayer that your son--and all the other sons will be safe as they so selflessly serve to keep us free.

Linda@ Lime in the Coconut said...

Awww. Godspeed...to both the son and the mother!

Manon Doyle said...

Deb... you are a wonderful *mom*! My prayers are with you and I send my angels with your son!!

Ces said...

I have found myself praying a lot, everyday and Ryan flashes into my mind. God bless Ryan. May he be safe from harm. Love to all of you. Tsup!

Shellbelle said...

This was such an incredibly poignant post, you spoke from the heart and it's easy to see just how loved your son is. I want to thank him for his service and for the sacrifices of his family members. It is never easy to see a loved one leave.

I went through this with my nephew. He left when his firstborn son was just 11 days old for Iraq. The best Christmas gift I had last year was seeing him home safe and playing with his son.

He's what I want to pass on to you that I had no idea would happen while he was deployed. Unlike the days of Vietnam, we had so much access to him through Facebook. He posted often including pics and videos. His wife did the same, so he was able to see his son and vice versa. They had one of those dolls also and when my nephew returned, he was no stranger to his son. His first word was da-da, so cute.

His unit also had a Facebook page that kept us well informed. He also had a cell phone and called all the time. It was amazing, all this technology that we take for granted, really paid off big time!

Thought I would pass this info on to you in the hopes that your family will be able to have the same access we did.

Wishing your son a safe journey and a smooth road home.

btw, I came by via Chris at the Great Wall of Lutz.

Kathiesbirds said...

I have been wondering about you and your son. Mine is over in Afghanistan now on the front lines and he leaves behind a wife and a 1-year old daughter. He will be home on leave soon, but then he will have to go back. So, we are in this together now. Now we will watch the news and wonder each time they say, an American casualty...I pray that they both come back safely to us and their wives and children! But, we were their mothers first. They came through us into this world and I know that our hearts beat with theirs and we can feel their souls from so many miles away.