Monday, April 1, 2013

Choosing Joy

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Today is a very significant day in my life;

One year ago today we moved into our teeny tiny townhouse.  It has been a year of great change, loss, pain, and sadness, and yet, there has been so much JoY in the marriage of Bad Alice, and The Soldier returning home with his family.

I never even wrote the date down that we moved from our Beloved Home of almost 24 years.  Those who know me well, understand what that house was to me … I think I loved that little patch of earth much too much.  We lived our life as a Family there.  We moved into brand new house with two little babies.  The yards were bare dirt, waiting for us to breathe life into them.    I planted every living thing growing in the yard and gardens and cared for them as one cares for a child.  So much L I F E went on in that house.  So many memories within the walls.  Every childhood milestone, happy times, crying times,

living through things we never thought we would have to live through.

It was getting late into the night when the last piece of furniture was moved out.  I was cleaning floors as the rooms were emptied, and suddenly it was just me standing there with a mop,

sobbing

uncontrollably.

And then my Brawny Man’s arms were around me with whispers of sorrow and comfort, and we locked the door for the very last time

and began a new stage in life;

Terminal cancer.

We had no choice.

For many, many months my Brawny Man has been in unbearable pain, unable to even move, and life became so hard.  I even felt for a time that life for me as I knew it was over and that I would never have joy again.  When The Darkness comes, I go to my corner, lick my wounds, sit with my sorrow.  But even in the darkest of nights, The Light calls to me to remind me that

This is not our Perfect Life.

This is our Human Experience.

It is my privilege to experience even the pain.

But I can only sit with the pain for just so long, and then I must

Choose Life. Chose JoY.

Because I have been given the gift of Faith.

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Yesterday was a very important day in

The History of the Kingdom of God.

I believe in The Resurrection and Life Everlasting.

Every time I look into these eyes and see this smile,

I know that life is worth living, even in the painful times,

the times I cannot breathe from fear, I must choose to look for the

JoY

and I am ever thankful for this Human Experience.

Alleluia Alleluia.  He is risen Indeed!

tangie_SG_Love_1

 

 

13 comments:

Shirley said...

Oh my goodness, what a beautiful post, Deborah! There is so much love in this post and your blog..you are truly blessed. Many thanks for your support and yes, I agree, my littlest's paper creations are so wonderful! She truly surpasses me in the artistic arena. Happy belated Easter and wishing you a wonderful Spring!!

Snap said...

Beautiful post. I am able to still live in the nest that my husband and I built together. He left two years ago on his final voyage to the stars. I nodded my head as I read this post. Sending hugs your way. Happy Easter and Happy Spring.

Kathie Brown said...

You have been through so much already. I am glad you can choose joy, but I understand the tears. I've shed a few myself, and moved more times than I can count. I hope you do find happiness in your new home, whatever LIFE throws at you. I pray your spirit is renewed, day after day, after day. It is nice to hear that your Brawny Man is still strong enough to hold your heart and lift your spirits. God Bless you both.

audrey said...

Deb,
I hardly know what to say. I think you are the most beautiful, brave, loving, understanding, faith-filled woman I know. Your choice to live with mostly JOY and little SORROW is something only a very strong person is able to do. Your strong faith holds you up when you want to fall down. You have good memories and a beautiful family that helps you to be strong, too. And, I believe you have angels by your side daily helping you to be strong.
I have learned much from your experiences and how you've handled them over the last year, Deb.
This post is beautiful. You have a way with words that touch the soul.
Love you, dear Deb. I wish you so much JOY!
audrey xxoo

martinealison said...

Une très jolie publication qui a fait couler des larmes sur mes joues...
Vous êtes très forte et la joie doit animer votre vie pour avancer encore et encore.
Les yeux bleus de cette adorable petite fille sont les témoins que la vie est belle.
gros bisous

Lois said...

Such a powerful writing. This living journey is Hard Work for sure. Hold on to your joy! Lois

Diana Evans said...

You are so amazing Deborah....so strong and such an inspiration....you have no idea how you touch people around you and how much your wisdom and kindness mean....bless your heart!!!

yoborobo said...

Deb, I think you are amazing. You and your Brawny Man are in my thoughts and prayers. love & hugs from Maryland! xox

Bella Sinclair said...

That was...sigh...just so moving and beautiful. Blowing clouds your way in the shape of hearts and circus animals. Watch for them. xoxo

Wendy said...

Oh Deb, you touch me with your words, your faith, strength and positive attitude. Joy is so very hard to grab onto when your Brawny Man is in such pain. I know.

I also cried when I had to sell my house. Especially when pulling down the wallpaper that David and I so lovingly pasted up in our bedroom. That was tough!

You're right - our lives are far from perfect and we just have to accept whatever is thrown our way - take the bad with the good.

My grands have saved me from despair and I can see beauty shining all through your dear little granddaughter's eyes. She is an angel. You must be so proud of her!
Sending hugs

kj said...

I wrote a comment last night and I liked what I wrote because it spoke about your grace. I wish I could reconstruct it but I can't

I want to tell you I am so sorry, but I know you will tell me to look at the light. But I can sit in the darkness with you, i would listen to every word about every shrub and landscape you planted in that house of love. And I can thank you for the privilege. Yes, her, deb. An amazing woman named Renee who assured us together strong. And alone strong too

You know, I have my Mother's yellow rose china cup and saucer that is really yours now. I will keep it with me until you wave for it but it is yours. Somehow, for me, it reminds me of your delicate resolute courage. That you honor joy even this last year is your gift outward.

Again, thank you for the privilege

With huge love, deb
kj

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Gathering at the Table said...

Brave, valiant...Perfect Love's got you both. You're in good hands.
Praying.
xoxo's