Sunday, November 3, 2013

The Hospital Bed

001

The night before the hospital bed arrived, I slept as close as I could to my Brawny Man, gently caressing the bones that now protrude from his once virile body.  I barely slept as I cried all night, knowing it was the last night that I would sleep next to my husband in our bed.  There are no words to express the feeling;  imagine despair and emptiness.  I wanted to make it right in my mind, yet by sunrise, my brain had still not accepted reality.  I cannot fix this, not even in my mind.  If God were not holding me up right now, I would be flat on the floor, sinking through the cracks.

God is near.

God is good.

I am selfish and I want the years we thought we still had.

I am not angry.

I am not depressed.

I am broken and in need of Grace.

22 comments:

Silke said...

I have no words, Deb, just big love for you! I'll hold you both in my heart!

Robin said...

Sweet, Beautiful Deb...oh, your pain comes through in every aching word... How I wish I could do more than pray...but pray I do..for you both. God has (and will continue to do so) sent you grace...you have been a true Warrior-Angel though these last few months... your Man knows this...and loves you even more for it.. One thing I DO know, the love you two share will NEVER die...it will live on as an inspiration to all of us...

Love to you both...

♥ Robin

Debra She Who Seeks said...

God bless you both and give you the strength you need, always.

kj said...

My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry you must face such an irreplaceable loss. It is not fair and not right and I wish I could will it otherwise for you and your beloved husband.

He will never leave you, deb. he will dwell within you and he will watch over you. I do sorry for what you now must handle, but I know your strength and your faith will offer you solace

Please let me know anyway I may help

Love
Your friend
kj

Shirley said...

Sending much love to you, Deb and your dear brawny man. Much love and an endless supply of strength and love from your friends and family at this time.

Michele said...

Oh. My Deb. My sweet beautiful Deb. My heart aches with yours. I'm so sorry you have to experience any of this. I love you.

audrey said...

Dear Sweet Deb... I doubt there is anything I can say to make you hurt less. The lyrics to the song say it all and every day I will say Jesus' name many times to give you the strength you are in need of and for peace for your dear Brawny Man. Thoughts of you are in my head ~ love for you is in my heart.

Erin Willis said...

Deb. I have no words. Praying for comfort and strength for you and your family

<3 Erin

Flowermouse Design said...

You are in my prayers and in the hands of the Lord. Big hugs dear Deb!!!

slsmyth said...

Loving arms are holding you even as you crack & break. And love is all around you. xo

Snap said...

Oh, Deb. What to say to you that will help. I remember those days -- I'd slip carefully onto the hospital bed. Blessings to you both. Gentle hugs and much love flying your way as you both continue on this journey.

oxox

Linda@ Lime in the Coconut said...

No words. Just peace to you...to your man. Peace.

Georgina Autrey said...

Words escape me, dear Deb. As always, I send you prayers and wish you peace. God is good, God loves, God surrounds you and lives within you, and Brawny Man.

Blessings,
Georgina

Linda Wildenstein said...

Only loving thoughts and prayers for you and Brawny man. Oma Linda

Pamela Smallcomb said...

Love to you, my friend. And strength. xoxo

kj said...

Sending love, deb. on angel wings...

Thoughts for the day said...

This has to be very hard, I am sorry ...

Jan said...

No trite replies for this post. I am so sorry Deb, for you and Brawny Man and for your family. Life is so dang hard sometimes... and yet, still so blessed.♥♥♥

http://afancifultwist.typepad.com said...

My heart is sobbing for you...

It is so wonderful that you had such love in your life, though the future loss, unbearable. - I am so sorry Branwy man has suffered so. And I am so sorry you can't be together on this earth forever.

Luckily, you will see one another again in eternity, I know it.

But the pain now, it's nothing i want to imagine. I feel for you in ways I can't describe.

I hug you tight from afar.

So much love dear Deborah. Hang on to those golden threads of light.

Much Love to you and Brawny man, and the kids too.

Love, Vanessa

Wendy said...

Sending lots of hugs and strength to you. It's a very painful time in your lives.
God bless.

Lost Aussie said...

God bless you both Deb.

Maria-Thérèse ~ www.afiori.com said...

Oh I'm so sorry for you. No one should have to go through this. And what a beautiful photo you were able to take, regardless.