Thursday, March 21, 2013

So Long for Now, Mommy

Helen Nellie Urbanski Luckey
01/06/1923 – 02/21/2013
Dear Mommy, 
It’s taken me a month to be able to open up your photo album. 
A month of sitting with the fact that you now exist in eternity,
no longer within the confines of Time and Space.
I finally said it.
So long for now.
You never would say goodbye.
I sobbed as I flipped through the pages.
I remember this album from when I was a little girl,
the time before me . . .
My first thoughts were
Smoking hot.
No wonder I have always had such a romantic image of the time
surrounding WW11.
I love this picture, even though your head is cut off . . .
brilliant shot with the focus on Those Legs.
You should have been a model.
My only wish is that you would not have had to go through the last few years
in so much pain, so far away.
I want to keep my last memories of us as the time you and Daddy
came and lived with me when he was on Hospice.
We had a lot of fun then, Mommy.
Me putting you and Daddy to bed in my living room,
each of us calling out
Good Night John Boy.
Good Night Mary Ellen.
Daddy got better and you both went back to Utah.
Or better yet, This Mommy.
The Mommy that I did not know how I would live without if you never
came home from the hospital from your gallbladder surgery. 
You both look like movie stars.
You were the stars of your own life.
I now know for fact what I always believed to be true;
In the end, only love remains.
Human frailties accepted and forgiven.
You were a faithful Servant of The Lord.
You gave me Great Faith.
Yet, I must say,
I am a little disappointed that you did not stop by
to say
So Long
before you left.
I was always certain that you would;
that I would know before I was told.
Thank you for staying with me the first two weeks
after you left.
I felt you on every walk,
in every breath,
in every tear,
telling me that it was okay,
it’s just like being born.
It’s as if you have been gone forever
and yet, as if you never left,
all in the same moment.
I don’t feel you now.
You’ve got other work to do.
Daddy is lost without you.
I am actually amazed that Daddy was able
to take a breath without you.
I’m sure you are speaking with God as I type,
asking for arrangements for
Your Love
to join you.
I was on the phone listening
while the Priest anointed you.
and the nurse sang
Ava Maria,
your favorite song.
I told Daddy where you were going and that
you would wait for him.
Just like you did when he went to war.
As I pulled this picture from the frame,
I noted the inscription on the back.  You wrote:
Born to be wild. All my love, Mom.
You were one
Bad Ass Mother.
I say that with complete respect, love,
and a lot of awe.
Life well lived, Mommy.
So long for now.


yoborobo said...

Deb, your mom was a real beauty, and I can see that twinkle in her eye that looks just like you in your pictures. What a lovely tribute to a special lady.
Know I'm thinking of you, and of your Dad, too. xoxo

Sherry said...

What a beautiful, loving tribute to your mother Deb. She lives within you and always will. Sending you love and hugs and warm thoughts as you move into this new phase of life. xo

Debra She Who Seeks said...

My condolences to you, your Dad and family. Your Mom looks like a great woman, vibrant and loving, part of what they call The Greatest Generation with good reason.

audrey said...

Your Mom and Dad were a handsome couple ~ they truly do look like movie stars!
Your tribute to your Mom is perfect. She has to be smiling, beaming, so proud of you and these words you wrote in her honor.
I think you will probably cry every time you look through the photo albums, Deb. Memories seem to come rushing back when we look at those pictures ~ time stands still ~ and we find ourselves back in time.
Your Mom and Dad were lucky to have such a sweet, brave, beautiful daughter.
Remember, they are both in your heart forever to stay, and you will be with them again one day.
Sending you love.
audrey xxoo

Ces Adorio said...

What a beautiful woman your mother was. I see her in you. your father, also tall and handsome. You have them both, beauty, height, grace, strength, will, abiding faith. Your words are so tender and full of love. May your memories comfort you. Take care my dearest Deborah. You honor your parents with this loving and beautiful tribute.

Ces Adorio said...

Oh sorry, I forgot to kiss you. Tsup Tsup!!!

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

Deb, this is a most beautiful of posts....your mother lives on in you. You look like her so thru the face!
*Born to be wild*~~I think you've done your mom proud.
She is in loving Divine arms, no doubt making things more *interesting* up there. Waiting fro your Dad, making plans. With lots of love.

Take care my sweet strong friend!
My Blond Goddess!


Unknown said...

What a beautiful tribute to your mother.She looks like she was once cool broad(said with awe).I love the photo of her on the bike.My mother has been gone 16 yrs,but I still find myself wanting to call her and ask her advice.Somehow,tho,she can still get her point across to me.

Lois said...

Teary as I read that, my parents were of the same generation and I lost both of them in 1995. Fantastic photos you have of your mother! They capture her and the time she lived in so well. Your father was so handsome. Why did everyone look like movie stars from that time??? Be well, time heals but you always miss them.

Anonymous said...

Your words shine with the same ageless, timeless beauty that your Mom wore so gracefully.

Thinking of you and your family... knowing that She is 'Where the Wild Things Are'.

Bella Sinclair said...

Awww, Deb. I'm so sorry. Reading your tender memories and seeing these beautiful photos has brought me to tears. There is so much love. And love will remain, forever and ever. Prayers and warm thoughts to you and your family. xoxo

Linda@ Lime in the Coconut said...

Tears streaming. How beautiful, poetic and real. So much love.

Biggest hugs from far away in this really little world. <3

Georgina said...

Oh sweet Deb, what a beautiful tribute to your mom. Also, what a beautiful lady where you get those stunning looks now!!

Thinking of you and yours and know your mom is happy and still a bad ass in Heaven..maybe she'll join my dad and all their buds at Heaven's big bar, where I know my pops is bar tending!!

Much love,

kj said...

I have to come back and read it all, look again at these amazing photos . I have to come back and take my time. Because if there were ever words for the deepest truest love, you have said them

I hope your Mother will visit you in expected and unexpected places and times. You are her Daughter, deb. that is one more sure thing

Love always
kj said...

Gulp Gulp....

OH my.

I am so so sorry for your loss.

That was so beautiful and heartfelt, and they did look like movie stars.

But now I feel like sobbing under the moon, for I know the love of a mom and dot as such.

So much love,


Nirzara Verulkar said...

You have a lovely blog and it was an absolute please to go through this post! Some where it reminded me of 'Little Women'. Wishing you all the happiness!! Good Luck!

Jan said...

A bit late with my comment, but still heart felt emotions reading this post. I'm sure you still miss your beautiful parents just as much as you did back then. She looks like a fun gal, as do you. Be safe.