Friday, June 24, 2016

I Saw You

I saw you in a dream last night.  You brought my horses to me.  It was that time of spring at dusk when the sun hits the grass at the perfect angle, making the most glorious green I have ever seen.  My favorite time ever.  No lead ropes.  Just you.  They followed, my little Appy and the giant, muscular quarter horse.  When the mare caught sight of me, she broke into a lope, whinnying all the way, as if to say, "Where've you been"?  She nuzzled my long braided hair, as she had always done.  Suddenly you were there, leaning in, exactly as you did that first time you kissed me and said,
"I don't know whether I should kiss you or not",
as your mouth found mine.   

I remember that first kiss, and the last kiss, and all the kisses inbetween.
12,775 days.  So how many kisses?

The last time you kissed me was two days before you left.  You were so frail and unable to move at all.  To be near you, I had gotten in the habit of crawling into your hospital bed, here in our living room, and without placing any weight upon you, I would straddle your failing body, and bury my face in the pillow at your neck.  You had been in a deep sleep for all of the night and most of the day, probably visiting other worlds, as you used to say.  I raised my head to look at you and your eyes were open.  Then, in the most heroic display of strength, you raised your upper body and kissed me.  Twice.

The shadow in the mist could have been anyone.
But it wasn't.
It was always you.


Snap said...

I've been dreaming, too. Hugs to both of us!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

A beautiful dream to have had, I hope it brought you some peace and comfort as well.

audrey said...

Oh, Deb, SO much love. I am in tears. Your words are SO full of love. I can read between the lines and truly feel how desperately you miss him.
Love to you. xo

Unknown said...

Oh,Deb,I feel your pain.I sometimes have the same dreams.Hugs.....

Robin said...

Sadness - yes - loss - yes...BUT - SUCH incredible LOVE between you two - then, now and FOREVER.....this is one thing I know. What you HAVE is so beautiful... the emotion spills off of your written page and into all of our hearts.


♥ Robin ♥

martinealison said...


Je suis très émue de vous lire, de sentir toute la peine qui vous habite mais aussi tellement attendrie par tout l'amour qui vous nourrit et qui va vous vous aider à traverser une telle épreuve.
Je vous embrasse tendrement,

Gros bisous

kj said...

it's not fair, deb. i know it's not for us to judge, but i wish you would have many more kisses like this.


Linda@ Lime in the Coconut said...

You make me cry...and feel....and love. Thank you for that.

martinealison said...

... Juste un petit coucou et vous dire merci pour votre adorable petit mot... Une pensée positive pour vous.
Gros bisous ♡

Amelia Castanon said...

This is so beautiful! <3

Carrie @ Cottage Cozy said...

Hello again, Deborah. I just finished looking through your blog...Your written words stirred my soul and led me to feel your pain and your joy... your real thoughts and dreams and disappointments...your frustration and sorrow. I was so moved. Thank you for sharing who you are and what you have gone through here. I too have missed our original blogging community and the amazing connections we shared. There is so much social media out there but the personal blog is a special place. Thank you for stirring my heart in so many ways tonight. I have missed you and it was a delight to catch up and read your poignant posts. Blessings, Carrie

p.s. I would love to see more of your tiny townhouse...the tree lined street is darling!

Bella Sinclair said...

Dearest Deborah, I hope you had a blessed Christmas. May the new year brings you an abundance of love, happiness, and unwavering hope. Big hugs and kisses to you. XOXO