The Mojave Desert

Today PVT Ryan heads out to the mock Iraqi villages in the Mojave desert...more training for when he leaves in December. This event started me thinking about the day we put him on the plane for Ft. Hood. I had written about my feelings that day and am going to continue with it here. I want to capture all my thoughts and emotions...document this journey our family is taking.

August 6, 2008

I hadn't even thought about the fact that Ryan's leaving correlated with the first day back to school here in Arizona. Today was very sobering for me. It doesn't seem that long ago that my heart was torn out of my chest when the kindergarten door closed behind him, creating a separate world for him without me. Today I put him on a plane knowing I will most likely not see him before he deploys for Iraq. It is a much larger, heavier door. As I touched his arm, a wild thought ran through my mind-this could be the last time I touch him. It has been this way with this child since the beginning, starting with two weeks in the NICU. Now look at him, all six feet, four inches of him.

I cried silent tears as I watched him go through airport security until I could no longer see him...melancholy tears, tears of pride, tears of selfishness. My heart ever so wishes he could stay here, yet it is in the Army where he has found his true identity. He IS infantry. He is a warrior. He is fighting an honorable war now. He has won his war with drugs. He has beaten the odds of recovery, and I know he will come home. He is a mama's boy.