Friday, July 17, 2009

Daily Talks with Daddy


I love this photo of you, Daddy, with the bunny whose name was long forgotten.  You look so happy, and I know your childhood was not filled with much joy.  You made certain that mine was.  Do you know that for the past six months, I have loved you more than I have loved you my entire life?  It’s true.  My big, strong, wise Daddy, who is now a tiny little bag of bones.  You have out lived your body, Mister.  Yet, you continue to live, to find good in every day, and to stand by the side of the woman you married sixty-seven years ago.  I do not see you as others do.  I do not see the frail man in front of me.  I do not see an old man.  I do not see a broken man. 

I see my Daddy.

Who is wise and strong of spirit; the first man who ever loved me. 

I know we walk on Hallowed Ground now, a gift of time from a Loving God.  So many daughters never get what I have received with you.  I am not speaking of closure, for I have always been your Baby Doll, Daddy’s Little Girl; there was nothing to resolve.  I speak of this Holy Time when I now realize you will not be here forever.  Just two years ago, you were ageless.  I thought surely you would live well into your 90’s.  Of course, only God knows, but I have been there more nights than I can count on both hands when I was sure I would wake up and you would be gone.  One morning I will not hear your voice; you will not call.  Yet, I have memorized every word you ever said.  I now understand what is meant in the phrase “you live forever in my heart”, for your blood flows through my veins.  I am of your flesh.  I am of your Love.  Would if I could make a movie of every memory I have of us.  For now, I have our morning talks.  I am now the parent, telling you how well you are doing.  It is me now who affirms you.   You are now the child, acknowledging that yes, daughter, that is a good idea.  “We have Holy lips.  God’s given us Holy lips.”  We speak only love.

I see the beauty in a life well lived. 

So long for now.  I’ll talk with you in the morning, Daddy.


KeKe said...

Oh Debroah, my heart goes out to you-It must be so hard, what you're going through. You are taking the right view of it though-Peace be with you!

Just A Girl said...

What a precious gift the Lord has given to you Deb...time with your father and a deep love that continues to grow. You are such a sweetheart which is probably a testament to your daddy's love.

Really big HUGS!!!

xoxo Cori

Anonymous said...

Oh i love this, and you, and your Daddy...i love all of it.
My Dad died of cancer when i was 10, I watched him waste away and drift away. I am 39 and I can honestly say that I have the best relationship with my Dad, it has never faltered, it has grown stronger each year...I feel him so close to me whenever I need him.
I love Dads, i love your Dad, I love that you realise how precious he is and that you are spending this time with him with such pure intention and pure love.
You shine brightly Deborah :)

kj said...

oh my god, deborah, this is a holy prayer, nothing less. i understand totally because this is also a collection of all the love i have for my mother, she too, two years ago, now grateful to be cared for.

i find myself swallowing hard reading this. thank you a million times for your ability to communicate such love.

there are will be many reasons why i like, enjoy, and admire you, and deborah my girl, right now this one trumps everything.

don't be surprised if i'm back again, savoring your words and love like a soft sheet on a breezy night.


Wendy said...

I have tears in my eyes as I read your post. The love you share with your Dad overflows..
It is a blessing to share your father's last moments on earth.
Thank you for opening your heart and sharing with us - your blogging friends.

Ces Adorio said...

This is so beautiful! Your Daddy holding that lagomorph looking so satisfied. Life seemed so copasetic then. Ah and you, continuing to speak to him through your heart. This is what life is about, presents that do not perish, do not expire and do not vanish. My dear, you with the beautiful face equally gifted with a beautiful soul. Oh Deborah. More power to you dearest.

Renee said...

Deb that is beautiful.

Your Daddy seems like the best Dad in the whole world.

You make me love him too.


Anonymous said...

Hello Deborah, So loving, so sweet, you are a good woman. He is still there, my dad died when I was 22; I always feel that I did not get the change to know him as the man he was. But he has done something absolutely great for me from heaven. I will tell in due time. Now you enjoy ( and smile ) with your dad. Bless you.
Godeliva van Ariadone

Silver said...

That is sooooo incredibly sweet...... that i see inside of you. I think i am beginning to see why i have an uncanny link or connection with you in a very warm kind of way..

Javajune said...

Oh Deborah,
This made me cry, so heartfelt and beautifully written. I hope you have many mornings talks to come. My prayers are with you and your Daddy.